Example Essay Really Rough Draft

Rachel Payne

Sharon Aiken

English 1101

Sept. 22, 2009

Rough Draft

Marked by the number twelve I stand surrounded by my competition I made sure the judges saw my over practiced smile. All the preparation was done for this moment. I began to feel weak just thinking of who would receive the crown or worse, who would receive nothing. The host always starts the winnings with prettiest eyes or prettiest hair. Of course those are great compliments but every girl dreams of winning it all, the big crown.

Beauty pageants can give confidence but can also make young girls feel they have to impress people by the way they look. Pageants are mostly judged on outward appearance. Therefore, it puts a strain on young girls to look there best. Also, magazines covered with stick thin celebrities shout to young women how important being attractive is. Pageants only magnify what the world says about beauty. Dressing up and feeling pretty is a part of being a girl but there is a point where it can become obsessive. Life is not all about appearance and teaching young girls it is only makes them shallow.

Toddlers and Tiaras , the hit reality show on TLC follows families of young pageant divas. The show is all about glitter, big crowns, money, and glamorous girls. The hair and makeup on the girls make them look ten years older. The parents on the show seem to live through their children. Most of the parents desire to win even more than their children. Being behind your child and wanting them to win is great but when you try to live your dream through your child is when it is negative. The show illustrates how serious the parents are. From the “flippers”; artificial teeth that are put in when a child has lost their two front teeth to the spray tan that makes the children unrealistically tan shows the mother’s crazy pursuit for perfection. The eight year old girls wear more makeup than a normal teenage girl would for prom. Some of the overly extravagant costumes are risqué. If a grown woman were to wear one of the outfits she would be identified as a whore or simply crazy. When has it become okay for a child to dance around in barely there clothes. In adulthood this would be called activities of a stripper.

Beauty Pageant bring the terrible memory of JonBenet Ramsay. The six year old girl was known as a “pageant girl”. JonBenet was kidnapped and murdered Christmas 1996.(Maloney) JonBenet had won Little Miss Colorado, America’s Royal Miss, Little Miss Sunburst, and many more. (Dubard) If you remember the notorious murder, you will remember her face being exploited on countless magazines. She was a beautiful young girl and the thought of someone murdering is disgusting. If she was alive today she would be nineteen the same age as most college freshmen. Could Ramsey’s murder been avoided by staying out of pageants? Could dressing up like a sixteen year old have anything to do with the unsolved case? Her parents did not protect allowing her to be seen too sexual by predators. Like the old saying old saying goes “If you play with fire you will get burned.”

I have experienced pageants and they can be harmful at a young age but older age can be extremely fun. Besides the glitter and glamour pageants can be a place where you can get your voice heard. Pageants also can be helpful with the many scholarships they provide to young girls. Not all pageants are just about beauty. After you win a pageant you are open to many opportunities.

Works Cited

Maloney, J.J, and J. Patrick O'Connor. "The Murder of JonBenet Ramsey." Crime Magazine 7 May 1999: Print.

Dubard, Rob. "JonoBenet Ramsey:Murder of a Child Beauty Queen." Associated Content. 7 November 2006. Web. 23 Sep 2009. .

SIGH OF RELIEF .. Paper is Done!!

The greatest challenge for me was trying to decide on a topic.   So I sat down in my quiet room and tried to pull out an experience from my memory that I could elaborate on. It was quite difficult at first but once I thought of something I just ran with. I put a lot of energy and time into this paper. For me its kind of like art. You know when you have completed a painting you are so critical of it. Most people would be like thats so beautiful but you are the critic and you always find small things that aren't perfect. Papers are the same way with me, I put all I could in this so I guess I can't complain. 

I really enjoyed reading all the blogs. It was a good way to give feedback and also receive it. The comments on my blog were helpful. I really want to thank those that took the time to read it and give their input! Although, on paper it is easier to correct problems with editing, the blog did help me with the actual revising. I think the blog to blog was a big help and it also gave me confidence in my writing! Thanks!:) 

Rainy Day=Lazy Day

Today started off with the sweet sound of rain trickling down my window, as I pulled the covers up closer to me. I really didn't want to wake up, that was a good enough reason for me to skip psychology this morning. These days I would just to cuddle up with some cereal and watch my favorite chick flick. Never even thinking about getting dressed or fixing my hair. These days were most likely labeled lazy days, because thats what I would be LAZY. haha Well now it's back to reality from daydreaming! Have a nice thursday to all in the blogger world:) 

Descriptive Essay

Please tell me what you think:)

                                                                        Braves Game

As I leaned up from my seat to ask “Are we there yet,” the hum slowly faded as we merged away from the rows of traffic. I anticipated the sweet smell of cotton candy and the warm sun peaking through the large opening of the stadium. It seemed as though the parking prices went up every time I came, but it was worth it. Everything from the warm hotdogs that I was about to enjoy to the songs everyone would stand and sing together.

 People were lined up like at amusement park waiting for the ride that would bring excitement and thrill, it was finally my turn as gave up my ticket to embark on a great time. My eyes would dart from one thing to another, drums banging, parents yelling for their children. I wove through the crowd of people to find my seat. It was as though an artist painted the picture in front me, the grass was such a vibrant green, and surely no clouds were allowed above the stadium, it was a perfect day. “Please rise for the national anthem,” with those words a silence broke among the crowd of faces, everyone stood up in a synchronized way. After the last hat was put back on their head, the crowd glared to filed as the first pitch was thrown. “Strike one,” yelled the umpire. Most of the crowd roared in agreement with the umpire but there were just a few outlaws above that disagreed.

Baseball is apart of everyone, whether by supporting your favorite team, or simply just living in America. Like a picnic on a Sunday afternoon, or celebrating thanksgiving with your family, baseball defines American culture.  It brings families together, there may be disagreements among our family but when the game comes on it brings us together.

            The crack of the bat as the ball takes flight, I look up trying to locate the ball, and my eyes are squinted as the ball drifts up in the air. I’ve always heard what goes up must come down, but I wasn’t quite sure when this ball was coming down. Screaming fans were coming closer to me and I wasn’t sure why until I saw the ball coming straight for me. I hardly had time to react, I threw my arms up to grab the ball and to my surprise I caught it. It was almost in slow motion as He ran from first base to the home plate, the crowd got louder at every step he made back to the dugout. Excitement came over me, as the sun was gone now the backdrop was the Atlanta skyline. I took a deep breath, taking everything I saw in. The lights seemed as if they were brightening putting a spotlight on the field as if it were a stage. and the players were actors. The bats and balls clinging together, the roar of crowd was the music in the setting of the play. “Get Your Peanuts, Get your peanuts,” and the smell of beer brought me back to reality.

The game was at its end, the bustle of people getting their stuff together and saying their goodbyes. Everyone was trying to find the quickest way to exit. I followed the crowd the excitement was over, my legs felt heavier with every stride I took. As I left the stadium, I could only dream about laying my head down and pulling the covers close. I made it to the car; lines of cars were dispersing in many directions. I pulled into one those lines, horns honking and people yelling. As I finally made it home, my eyes were heavy as I lifted myself out of the car and gazed on the front door that would soon lead to the relaxed place called home.

 

 

 

Psychology was Breeze

Today was my first psychology test, I am nerves about the results. I did all that I could to prepare for the test. When the test is being handed out, I always frantically think maybe I could've studied a little bit longer or made flashcards. All i feel now though is relief, that it is over! I am always so nervous until it is over. Today feels so good outside, it's starting to feel like fall.  Well its thursday which is more like friday to me! I'm so excited for the long weekend, and college football saturday YIPEEE:)